Skip the Drama
Gallo Offers Tips on Embracing Healthy Conflict
Conflict is uncomfortable. It’s also inevitable. There are choices, though, in whether and when to engage. How people react in the moment, and how they approach looming disagreements, can make or break relationships.
“When we think about disagreement, we are fighting our own human nature, our instinct to collaborate and be in harmony,” said Amy Gallo, author and workplace coach, at the first Deputy Director for Management (DDM) seminar of the 2025 season.
When deciding how to respond to conflict—whether to speak up, push back, shift the conversation, or stay silent—there’s risk in that moment, noted Gallo. “When we feel under threat, when we feel all those negative emotions, we assess risk very differently,” she said.
Consequence of Inaction
People tend to focus on the possible consequences of speaking up. But Gallo suggested considering the alternative.
“One of the most important things when you’re in those moments of stress, when you’re trying to figure out ‘should I engage in this disagreement,’” she said, “is ask yourself: ‘What if I don’t say anything right now?’” Consider the consequence of inaction.
Even when relations seem copacetic, frustrations may be bubbling under the surface. “When we default to not saying anything,” Gallo said, “there are lots of unspoken ideas, opinions, perhaps simmering resentments and tensions, that haven’t been voiced. It’s not a comfortable space to be.”
In deciding whether to engage, Gallo said, ask yourself: Is this disagreement helping us explore different perspectives toward making a better decision? Is this disagreement helping us move toward our goal? Is it building the relationship and enhancing trust?
Most people have a default conflict style, said Gallo. People tend to either avoid or seek and lean into a conflict. Avoiding conflicts, she noted, tend to breed more conflict.
When the conversation gets tense, it’s easy to get emotional. Give space to the issue and reconvene when you feel calmer.
Handling Challenging Interactions
When tensions arise at work, try to understand the other person’s perspective, said Gallo.
“Try to imagine why the person is behaving this way,” she said. “Why are they standing their ground on this? That will give you information that, when you actually begin to engage in the discussion, will help you propose a solution that both you and the other person can live with.”
Also, know what you’re disagreeing about, Gallo said. It might be a personality or value difference. But is there something else simmering?
Usually at work, disagreements arise over the goal itself or the process of achieving the goal. If people disagree about both, it becomes a status conflict with both sides vying over who has authority or who gets credit. State the disagreement, Gallo said, and clarify what’s at stake.
Be clear on your goal. “What you’re trying to achieve will inform how you decide to handle it,” she said.
A shared goal is an excellent starting place for a challenging conversation. If and when you choose to engage, reiterate the shared goal, state your intention to collaborate and ask a question, Gallo advised. What am I missing? How are you seeing this?
“Asking a question—an open-ended conversation that invites their input—puts you both in a much more collaborative mindset,” she said. Be curious. Shift the tone by depersonalizing the conversation and focusing on what’s at stake.
Promoting Psychological Safety
First coined by Harvard Professor Dr. Amy Edmondson, the term “psychological safety” refers to the shared belief that people are encouraged to express ideas and concerns.
While it’s imperative for leaders to create psychological safety, Gallo noted that anyone can help cultivate it. Research shows it helps foster innovation, creativity, risk-taking and continuous learning.
Gallo shared three pillars of psychological safety: caring—you’re invested in one another’s success; consistency—acting in a reliable and predictable way so your team knows what to expect; and candor—speaking openly, unafraid to deliver bad news.
“When done correctly, psychological safety can be really uncomfortable,” Gallo noted. “People are voicing opinions, sharing feedback, admitting mistakes. It’s okay if it doesn’t feel great. The question is: Is this discomfort moving us toward our goals, toward more trusting relationships, toward more transparent conversations?”
Whatever our mistakes and the potential fallout from them, a psychologically safe environment enables teams to learn and grow from them. However, psychological safety can easily erode. “As leaders, we have to think about what we’re doing to continuously build it.”
When deciding how to respond to a conflict, consider the challenge as a learning opportunity. Have empathy. Have self-compassion. Try to steer the conversation back to the task, goal and underlying issue.
“You do not need a shared worldview with the people you work with. You do not need to see everything exactly the same way,” Gallo said. “You just need to agree on the next step forward.”